jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please, let me fuck your mom
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
