Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
