Pappa wants mamma naked
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
