Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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