She's like a pop up book from hell.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
