Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
