Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
