he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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