I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
