I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They have beer where we have blood.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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