I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
