I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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