The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
