When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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