how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
