Don't make out with my wife yet
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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