I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
