I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
