He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
COCAINE IS GR8
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
