Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
