I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
