Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
