it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
