She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
