DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
