rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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