Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
