When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
