I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
