it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
