Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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