Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
