she looked like the before picture.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
