I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
