I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
