He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
