I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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