We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
