Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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