I can text with my tongue
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
