I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
