I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
