You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
