He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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