"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
