I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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