those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
