I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
