Welp...herpes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
