We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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