when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
