Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
