Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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