i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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