it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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