i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
